I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
