apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
