I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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