I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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