I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
