Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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