my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
