Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
