East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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