mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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