..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
