Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
