it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
