It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
