New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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