My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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