so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
