Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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