it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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