he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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