I wish my penis had an off switch
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
