im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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