I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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