If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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