Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
