fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
