Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
