he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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