singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
