i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
