Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
