you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
