so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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