i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want a musical about memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
