ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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