this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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