its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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