I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
