fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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