Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
