the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.