how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
