So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize