either way he was missing a nipple.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
