How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
