When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
