...so i touched it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
