you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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