hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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