We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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