p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
