I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
