omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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