I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
