Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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