well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
