There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
