I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's just like the Real World with babies
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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