Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
