first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
