i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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