It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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