Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
