i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
