I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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