I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
