Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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