Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
