My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, beer. Big fan.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
