also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
