I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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