Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
