so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
