Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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