hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
