The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
