Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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