Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
