i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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