Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
