all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
